To tell you the truth, he was one of my favourite celebrities. But I was
still emotionally distraught, having attempted suicide on a bridge not a
day before.
I just stared at him. What was he doing here?
I know about Hollywood North and that a lot of actors come here to
become low on the radar. But in a psyche ward?
I had dated an actor who knew his older brother. My ex had told me that
he had suffered from bipolar and had multiple run-ins with publicity,
photographers, and being famous in general. He didn't medicate his
bipolar, like I did. I was told that it added an extra edge to his
acting and the characters he was sinking into.
Truth be told, he was one of the greatest actors Hollywood had ever
seen. I had a lot of respect for him, but I could not understand how we
were in this together. It still mystifies me.
He didn't talk much; he watched tv day and night. I took in visitors
and they held me up while I had nothing to give. I was extremely
fragile.
For months I had been bipolar high and living without taking some of my
pills. I had bouts of non stop talking, sleepless nights and I thought
everything was a sign for me to notice and add huge spiritual meaning
to. I had also obsessed about several celebrities.
He's Irish in origin. I recognized one of the patients that I had met before. I struck up a conversation. I
remembered that he had met Bono at an Oscar party for the Irish. The
actor's ears perked up and he listened intently though he did not say a
word. I bet he had been at that party...
I put one of the actor's movies on the table, to see if he would react. The next day it was gone. The movie had been missing
anyways, but his picture was on the other side. He also had the old tattoo on his arm. It was
him, guaranteed.
I talked about a poet friend of his, Charles Bukowski, to my friends.
The actor had been close friends with him and went to his funeral. I saw
his reaction at the mention of Bukowski's name. I didn't need any more proof.
But I kept his bluff. Everyone needs their privacy in a place like
that.
As the week went on I improved with daily visits from family and
friends. I was very lucky. When I was leaving the ward for another
one, I talked to him a bit, finally. I told him who I thought he was
and he just bluffed. He was actually using a voice from one of his
shows he had done. A little higher than usual. I didn't care. I knew
in my heart of hearts it was him.
In hindsight, I have the hugest respect for you, though I may not have
appreciated your bluff at the time. I was suffering from the dishonesty
in my life and I wanted someone to tell me the truth...What I found out
was, the people I had idolized for years were vulnerable, like me. And
my family and friends filled that hospital room with comforting words.
They were the real rock stars.
The actor is now doing selfless work in Haiti for those who are homeless
and living in refugee camps. This guy is pretty, damn, special. And I
thank you, Sean...
